Sunday, February 1, 2009

A Milestone: Shamelessness 101

Holy crap I completely forgot that this thing existed, but I might as well make the best use of it now that I have a few spare minutes with nothing to do.

So yesterday I asked the girl that I really liked out in a way that was completely original and unique. Rather than doing the redundant and uninspired "locker wrapping" and whatnot, I decided to utilize all the knowledge that I've accumulated from the past 3 years enrolled in Business classes and being a member in DECA.

Under the tutelage of Mr. Schmidt, I came to understand that life functions just like a business does. Prostitution is a hospitality and recreation service. Theft is just the aqquirement of capital assets from a competitor. Going to McDonalds and buying a Double Cheeseburger with BigMac sauce is a credit to your Cash Assets, and a Debit to Miscellaneous Expense. But most important and relevant of all these life lessons, I began to see relationships in the same light as long-term(some shorter and more "profitable" than others) corporation mergers and partnerships. With this ideology in mind, I knew that it would be wholly appropriate for me to apply it to practical usage.

Ingredients for Success:
Projector and screen. Microsoft Powerpoint 2007. A black remote. Reliable friends. A confused audience. A target:Ashley Chen.

So after practicing the entire morning, my group of myself, Ameya Ganpule, and Kiam-Seng Tong gathered all of Monta Vista DECA into Mr. Mueller's P5 Room to do our deed. Sure enough the projector failed to read our computer so we had to scramble out into the next room while trying to keep Ashley distracted with a wave of co-conspirators.

Light's off. Game time. Finicking with the projector that didn't 'project' straight, I eventually had to resort to asking Pranav to hold the damn box steady. Slide by slide I went, explaining the "value proposition" that "Derek Wong, Inc." offered for "Ashley Chen, LLC." It was hard enough to maintain a straight face while going through slides filled with dirty jokes and puns, but at the same time, I was getting increasingly nervous and agitated as I got closer to the final, most important slide.

Slide #7: "Request for Corporate Merger." The Question: "Would you go out with me?"

So many questions and possibilities flashed through my mind. Would she say yes? I certainly hope so. What if she said no? Then by God, that would be the most embarassing moment of my life, standing in front of a crowded classroom of my peers, tacit and rejected. But no matter what I decided then, it was too late. The boulder was already rolling and it couldn't be stopped now.

Bam. It was out of my mouth before I even knew it, floating in the aether, soundwaves slicing through the air. Each passing fraction of a moment was impossibly unbearable. How long would it take for her neuron's and synapses to fire back a response? I just didn't know.

"Yes." So great was my euphoric release (No, I didn't jizz in my pants) that I can't even recall exactly what Ashley said, but I engulfed her with the biggest hug I could muster at the time. Applause. I let out a sigh of gracious relief. It was over, (mind the cliche, por favor) but for us, it was just beginning.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Inspired and Free

After seeing a handful of my classmates make their own respective blogs, I decided that this would be something that I would certainly like to do. I obviously enjoy writing and expressing the random nonsense floating in the aether of my mind, hence the reason for me joining El Estoque, the school newspaper.

But since joining that establishment, my interest and dedication for that publication has declined tremendously. By no means do I dislike Journalism and its composing members, but I hate the overreaching illusion of professionalism that seems to exude every decision. I do admit that I often times have strong opinions (much alone an understatement), but upon the start of every issue, I find myself being censored and censured.

Be that as it may, I understand that nothing will change due to the objectivity and professional impression that El Estoque must maintain. Yet, I am free now. I can write whatever I want, whenever I want, with as much profanity and lewdness as I see fit.